Falling

I’m going through a transition, a change different from anything I’ve ever experienced. I’m thinking positive, and only positive. I’m conceptualizing ideas, manifesting my dreams, and facing the hardest challenges I’ve ever faced. And I’m stumbling around a bit, shook up more than usual, and forced to exercise my drive and will power.

I move fast. I conceptualize ideas. I don’t listen to anyone. And I learn from my mistakes.

I fell off a ladder taping up my ceiling to prep for paint. I almost seriously hurt myself. I fell almost 15 feet to the ground, face first, scaring my shins forever. I cried hysterically, fell to the ground, looked in the mirror and blamed myself for being so un-normal, for being so eager and I told myself ‘maybe I should just be like normal people. At least I wouldn’t be a hazard’

…then I punished myself for even letting myself think it…

I’m driven, excited, eager. And with the strength of a lion, I fight, and push, and fuck up, and fall, and hurt myself, and learn.

I learned a lot from falling. Falling changed my life. I’ll be more careful next time. But my drive and fight is stronger than ever. Fuck what anyone thinks, I’m special and will take over the world in my special way. I want to help people and share my love with everyone I encounter. Falling changed my life.

My dream

It took me a very long time to get over my last love. It was a process that took me on an emotional roller coaster; and I didn’t have any seat belts on. I was emotionally effected deeply and I completely allowed myself- without any rebounds or one night stands- to get over the relationship so that the scars I carried would fade. I wrote this note after a dream. You never really get over a love, a real love. It sticks with you, it clings to your soul forever. But one day, with the right treatment and therapy on the soul, things get better. And acceptance happens….somewhere in the craziness of it all.